Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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