A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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