i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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