hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
