i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
