i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
