He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
