i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
