11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
