i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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