Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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