giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
