If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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