checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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