cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
