i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she peed on how many people?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
