I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
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And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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