he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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