your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
