Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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