So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
