i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
