once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
