I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
