I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
