i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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