Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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