I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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