Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
