Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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