let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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