Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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