When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
