you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
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Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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