I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just made my gag reflex go away.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
