Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Four minutes until I can fart!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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