can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
