i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
