Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
