i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I look better un-naked...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
