Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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