We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
