I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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