I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
