Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
