I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Found the puke drawer
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
