He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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