Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
