Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
