so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
