he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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