I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
