let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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