i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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