I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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