Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
