Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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