All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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