I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How external is "for external use only"?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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