Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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