Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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