We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
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