I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
