How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
