Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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