He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
