Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
