i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
